You will not define me, sorrow! I choose joy!

Throughout this past year, after I discovered this video, these defiant yet triumphant words became part of the fabric of my life. I even have the link saved on the home screen of my phone so that when I need words of encouragement, I can “speak truth to myself.”

John Piper is an old friend of Sue’s going back to the early ’80s when they were both young in ministry. I have a very sweet memory of sitting at the Piper’s dining room table a few years ago over a simple Sunday dinner of soup and bread while watching Sue and “Johnny” (as she called him) catch up through a very animated and lively conversation.

In this video John Piper put into words what I witnessed in the life of Sue Thomas. She faced the difficulties of each day with this kind of humility and honesty.

Sorrow is so complex. In those darkest of days we just need simple steps.

“Weep. Grieve. Feel.
then
Wash. Trust. Embrace.”

Wherever you are, and whatever you’re facing today, I hope these timeless words speak hope!

(Here’s the audio transcript)

“Occasionally, weep deeply over the life that you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he’s given you.

The reason for that counsel is 1 Thessalonians 4:13, where Paul says, “We do not want you to be uninformed . . . about those who are asleep” — about those who have died — “that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.” So, there’s real grieving, which he expects, and there’s hope. Grieving is real, losses are real, pain is real — really felt, really expressed — and hope is real that changes it profoundly.

I have in mind two kinds of losses: those who had something precious and lost it, and those who hoped for something precious and never had it. It works both ways. Sixty years go by, and forty years on you think, “I’ve come to terms with that,” and then one morning it breaks over you, and you weep about a 40-year old loss, or a 40-year “never have,” and my counsel is, yes, go ahead, embrace that moment. Weep.

But then, say to your weeping after a season, “No. You will not define me, sorrow, because my God has said, ‘No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly’ (Psalm 84:11). Therefore, even though it was good in one sense, and I miss it in one sense, I trust my God, and he has not withheld anything that is good for me.” Yes, let there be weeping in those seasons — feel the losses. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life He’s given you.”